Getting to the Heart of the Matter
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with obstructive hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Basically, there were times I couldn't walk across the room without feeling faint. My enlarged heart muscle occluded the blood supply to my brain and other organs. After a number of hospitalizations, my cardiologist referred me to the specialists at OHSU.
On May 30, I underwent open heart surgery. My heart surgeon and his team removed part of the enlarged muscle. I guess you could say, I've had a change of heart. And what a change it has made. I can even climb stairs now without feeling like I was going to die. My echo-cardiogram is looking great and my heart murmur has lessened. I'm still running on batteries (pacemaker dependent) but feeling ever so much better.
Having open heart surgery and following it up with cardiac rehab took quite a slice out of my year. I'm still trying to catch up.
I'm not a very patient person at times and it seems to me that one should be back to normal after six weeks. Being a nurse, I know better, but my expectations of myself are much higher than those I would have for a patient.
Still Foggy After all This Time
So, here I am still having aftereffects eight months later. Physically I'm doing okay, still a little weary, but I can climb stairs without too much effort. Mentally and emotionally, I'm nowhere near what I would like to be.
Writing has been difficult. I can't seem to stay focused and my imagination seems to have taken a vacation.
I started a new mystery series last year, The Amber Stone Mysteries. Amber is a would-be mystery writer and is married to a pastor. Life is good until she finds a dead body in the sanctuary of St. Augustine Lutheran Church. She, her husband, Noah and her long -lost brother become the primary suspects in the case.
I'm five chapters into the book and seem to have hit a roadblock. Am I losing my ability to write--to plot--to create a novel? Should I just hang it up? Will Amber even let me do that?
There's Still Hope, Isn't There?
Speaking of roadblocks, I'm sitting here at this point trying to figure out why I'm writing this blog. Maybe just trying to get my inspiration back. Writing will sometimes trigger ideas. Right?
Okay, I'm rambling, and this confession isn't all that exciting, but maybe some of you have been there. It isn't easy coming back from major surgery, but I have hope that eventually I'll be able to tell Amber's story. She'll be able to reach into my foggy mind and let me know what happens next.
In the meantime, I'll keep quilting, painting, knitting and cooking and a few times a week, sit down at my computer to see if the fog has lifted.
All is not lost. I have managed to update my website in the last few days. That is a good sign. Maybe the end of my anesthetic fog is in sight. I can only hope.